Honestly, I was going to do this as a church thing and talk about God and be all pretty about everything, but it's not going to be like that. I am going to be as honest and forthright as I can. Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in God and Christ's sacrifice, and I love the Lord and His provision, but I have questions and doubts and concerns, and I think we have the right to question God and wrestle with Him and His word. So I shall begin. Where would true progress be without the art of doubt, questioning, and the refashioning of beliefs?
So I guess I'll start with something that troubles me about God. I'll talk about something that not only troubles me but something that I have talked with friends and it discomforts them too, and that is this notion that I know people who aren't Christians who are worlds better than most Christians I know, and by my beliefs they are going to hell. That seems so illogical. I'll give an example, I won't say her real name I'll give her an alias, how about Jen?
So Jen is an amazing person that I know a little bit about, well I know enough bout her to say that she is amazing. Jen is in graduate school and plans to be in the Senate one day, she has an amazing vision of a society in which people seek to maximize the fulfillment and happiness of others, a society in which, perhaps, unity is a possibility rather than an ideal. Jen is very smart and goes to the top state university in the country. But not only is Jen EXTREMELY smart and visionary, she is one of those people who just has a glow about them. You know what I'm talkin about, when you are around these type of people it just makes you happy too, and they are magnetic and jovial and downright superb. Jen is all of the above, I wish I was closer to her in age so I could really get to know her, but the few times I have been around her and talked with her she has been amazing.
But here is the thing, I know Jen well enough that she is not a Christian, she does not have faith in the Bible or God or Christ or that sorta stuff, so, as I said earlier, according to my beliefs, Jen is going to hell, Jen is going to hell. If Jen were to get in a car accident right now, she would go to hell. I hate that, and I don't want to believe it at all, I don't want to believe that my God would send such an amazing person to hell, that gnaws at my soul. Now if you are a good ol' Christian reading this and you have everything figured out, don't patronize me and tell me how I should think or that this doubt I have is immature in my faith, because I know that you cannot earn salvation, and I know that faith alone merits eternal life, but I don't want that to be true, I think many times none of us want that to be true.
So here's the dilemma: Jen does better things for society than me, or you probably who are reading this, and she has a vision for a society that is structured along the lines of many Christian ideals, and she loves people, and she is joyful, and she is going to hell. If my beliefs are true.
I hate that and it is very hard for me to see the justice and love in it.
PS
I have cried, I mean totally WEPT and broken down and just completely emptied my tear ducts over people who aren't Christians, whether I know them personally or not. I mean I have cried over musicians who I love who, as of right now, will not see the kingdom of heaven, so before you post something rash know this is a touchy subject for me.
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2 comments:
Nice, your blog is exactly what we've been talking about lately! Well, you know what I believe and hopefully you read my last email soon, but I believe with all my heart that Jen is going to be fine. I would say I KNOW, but no one can KNOW anything for sure... so, for the sake of probability, I almost know that your friend, or anyone you mourn for, is not going to any sort of hell. However, I know that just me saying that, since I believe what I do, probably won't be any consolation to you. So, say we accept that God is real. Sending someone like Jen to hell simply for an inability to accept something that contradicts everything else in her life, a life that God planned for her, would be terrible. Any higher being with the ability to love should also have feelings of compassion and understanding and rationalization, right? It's up to Him who goes to heaven and hell. He isn't bounded by any rules that are conveyed in the Bible. He MADE the rules, so he should be able to make exceptions to them, right? At least, that's the way I'd look at it..
Keep writing, Hunter! :)
It's hard to understand how we can believe that our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases and that He's love itself at the same time. Now, I can't write it quite as pretty as you, but I agree with you. It seems crazy that life could really work like this. But you know, sure, things aren't always going to make sense, but in your post, it's clear that you've got one thing figured out pretty well: It's all about love.
Keep it up man.
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