Because I am this:
Prone to sad before happy.
Prone to gloom before joy.
Prone to pessimism before optimism.
Prone to focusing on wrong before focusing on right.
Prone to all things rain before all things sun.
Jesus is perfect for me!
But, because I am this:
Human.
I don’t like to rely on Jesus to fix all my problems.
I don’t like the free grace that Christ gives. Don’t take that the wrong way. I’m saying, when we boil our nature down to our fallen humanity, we want to prove ourselves. We want to do it on our own. We don’t like the fact that we cannot do anything without Christ. If that’s not true for you, then maybe I really am a freak, because that’s how my life works. I spend so much time trying to earn God’s approval, trying to be my own righteousness, trying to be my own Jesus, that I forget to let Christ do that so He gets all the glory. It’s such a burden! It’s such a burden trying to do it by myself! So, if I don’t humble myself daily, I will fail. If I don’t give it all to Christ on a given day, I will fail. I can’t do anything good outside of Christ. If I do something moral without Christ, which I believe is possible, but it is not done in Christ, it doesn’t glorify Him, so then what good is it? It is chaff in the wind.
The first verse I ever memorized by myself was John 15:4, which says (Jesus talking), “Abide in Me and I in you, as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the Vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.” Isn’t that funny? The first verse I memorized is so close to my nature it’s brilliant irony. It’s close to all human nature me thinks, but especially for me. Because when I try to do it on my own I just get sad and then it all starts spiraling down, but if I remember verses like these, I will (hopefully, prayerfully) remember that it’s (thank God) up to Christ to be my righteousness.
Hope hope!
I need to pray a lot too; else I get in the “it’s all about me” kinda phase. I have to pray like this, a sonnet by John Donne:
BATTER my heart, three person'd God; for, you
As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend
Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to'another due,
Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearely'I love you,'and would be loved faine,
But am betroth'd unto your enemie:
Divorce mee,'untie, or breake that knot againe;
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you'enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.
Also, I love the Counting Crows so much. This is why: Adam is so honest and true to himself that he is honest and true to human nature. Oh my gosh it’s so beautiful but so many people don’t see how great they are! It’s disgusting! Especially people my age, gosh. I love them so much I just have to express that right now. Okay, dear reader, will you please PLEASE do me a favor? Like seriously. I really want you to do this. I want you to go do ONE of the following FIVE options (not that you can’t do more than one):
1) Go listen to the song “Insignificant.” I like this song, it’s not one of my favorite CC songs but it’s good and defines human nature.
2) Go listen to AND Google the lyrics for “Round Here.” This is one of my top three CC songs. It’s about how, when you are young, you are told to go make a name for yourself, and to be famous. When you’re young you have to go to bed early but you have all this so-called “freedom” when you’re older but it’s to no avail.
3) Go buy August and Everything After. This CD was released September 14, 1993, when grunge metal and Nirvana and all that stuff was the mainstream thing. Oh gosh, AAEA is and always will be (mark my words) my favorite CD, so go get it.
4) Listen to “Mr. Jones.” A lot of you have probably heard it and like it, because it’s a catchy song and one of their hits, but the lyrics are actually quite amazing. The song is very close to human nature also: “When everybody loves me, I will never be lonely.” Right?
5) Okay, last choice. Go buy the song (99 cents, please, it’s the least you can do. Am I worth 99 cents?) “A Murder of One.” BUT WAIT! The recorded one is on their first album August and Everything After, but I want you to get the LIVE version off the CD “Across a Wire,” released in 1998. Please please go get it. “I have been to Paris, and I have been to Rome, I’ve gone to New York City and I am all alone.” Wow I get real emotional listening to this song . . . think about it. This guy, Adam, CC’s lead singer, has sold over 20 million records and he is all alone. What wisdom and insight! This is human nature my friends!
Adios, please do one of those if you love me. Yes I just pulled the “if you love me” card.
I have to go work on my novel/trilogy woohoo!
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