Have You Seen Me Lately?

"To quarrel with God is to pay God the supreme compliment: it is to take God seriously. It is to say that God matters enough to be worth some anger. To be indifferent to God is to pay God the supreme insult. It is to say that nothing of consequence is at stake."

—Elie Wiesel

 

Brief Wiki on Wiesel: Elie Wiesel (born Eliezer Wiesel on September 30, 1928) is a Jewish writer, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate, and Holocaust survivor. He is the author of 57 books, the best known of which is Night, a memoir that describes his experiences during the Holocaust and his imprisonment in several concentration camps. Wiesel was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1986. The Norwegian Nobel Committee called him a "messenger to mankind", noting that through his struggle to come to terms with "his own personal experience of total humiliation and of the utter contempt for humanity shown in Hitler's death camps," as well as his "practical work in the cause of peace," "Wiesel has delivered a powerful message "of peace, atonement and human dignity" to humanity.

        

It might be self-justification. It might be truth. But it’s probably both self-justification and truth.

I’ve been quarreling with God, not in a dangerous way, but in a way that is a conquerable mountain, an obstacle in front of a strong warrior. It seems silly, well in fact it is silly, to quarrel with God, but perhaps not fruitless.

I’m mad at God for a few reasons. Reasons, I might add, that are quite trivial when I read Revelation 21. When I think about the big plan, God’s end game, the New Jerusalem, the established kingdom where we will sup with our dear Lord Christ Jesus and feel the light and warmth of God’s grandeur. Small things, but they hurt nonetheless.

The first might make you laugh. As a guy, I want a girl. (Well I know that all guys don’t want a girl, but I do.) Most college guys want a girl’s body. I hate to be arrogant, but I think it’s quite obvious that I’m in the upper echelon of maturity and spiritual development. I don’t really like to go on dates, and it might be kind of unfair to girls. Because this is what I normally do: I am friends with a girl, and I get close to her and decide if she is the type I would like to marry, and if she isn’t then I sort of stop being close to her. I’m an asshole; I realize this, so please forgive me. It’s selfish. But it’s true. I want a girl. Like-minded, Christ-loving, beautiful. Proverbs 31, really. And she has to have a heart for the poor. Although that would fall in the “like-minded category,” but you get the picture.

The second reason I’m quarreling with God is because I’m about two and a half months into college, and have not really found anyone my age who is really like-minded. Who has the same vision or thoughts as me. There is one in D.C. and a few in Dallas, but I haven’t found my Iowa City clique yet. Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful and (a lot of) beautiful people here, but not so many me-kinda people. It’s fine. It will come. And I need to pray. And I need you to pray for me also. Or rather pray to God that he will slam me with people like me that can sharpen me.

The third reason is perhaps the most trivial but I feel it all the same. I wish I could hug Jesus. Ya know? Do you get that desire. I do. Here is a short excerpt from my novella that talks about what I mean:

"Problems diminish when there is someone to think about. Someone—not an abstract idea or a faceless name, but someone. Not a collection of stories with the same name reprinted, not even a great being or spirit missing some great body and warmth. Someone—to squeeze when towers drop and buses explode. Someone to smile with—smile at stupid, silly things nobody else understands. Someone with an unquenchable desire, an untold want, like your own. Someone who is honest—raw with problems. Honest with their disease—the one you have too. Someone whose skin bleeds."

Pray for me please. I’m doing really well up here, I promise. I adore Iowa City and my heart is throbbing more and more in tune with its problems. With its beat. I’m going to go talk to God if you don’t mind. Farewell.